Calming the Storm of the Enraged
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Ever been engaged in a meeting with the public or your coworkers and suddenly feel the air in the room shift. Thunder clouds threaten to rain a storm on you within a split second. What do you do?
How do you deal with an enraged room? We found some helpful hints and tips that ease tension and help defuse the bomb about to go off. Step 1: Read the Room Yes, you read that right, you need to read the room. It is important for you to figure out what kind of emotion the room, the speaker, the coworker, the boss, the public has brewing inside them. For example, being upset compared to be offended are completely different types of anger. More importantly, you need to know why they are angry. Take a read of the room, try to quickly and efficiently identify what/who/why there has been a shift of emotion. It is hard to defuse a bomb you never knew was there. Step 2: Step Back So, you were able to identify the shift in emotion. Now step back mentally and potentially physically if necessary to gain a clearer state of mind. Usually, the other person’s anger has nothing to do with you specifically as a person. It tends to be sparked by subject matter or action. Remember that angry people are “consumed” by their feelings. They will have a one-track mind. Do not respond back with anger. The fastest way to escalate a situation is to “challenge” someone who is ready to pick a fight with you (verbal or physical). Step 3: Control What You Can Remember you do have complete control over your own actions. You can control your space from the person/ public/ etc. You control your pace of speaking and responding -- keep it even and steady. You control your tone. Lastly, you control your body language. People read up to 70% of the conversation nonverbally. Keep your body relaxed and non-defensive. No crossed arms! Step 4: Open Your Ears, Listen! Now is the time for you to fully turn your attention to listening. Listen to find the root of what is causing the anger. Try to see the situation from their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. You can worry about trying to change someone’s thoughts or opinions later in a less charged situation. Consider their words to be the symptoms of their anger. What are the frustrations or hurts that can point to the cause? Step 5: Feedback With the active listening you’ve been doing, let them know they have been heard. Give them the feedback they are looking for. Paraphrase what they are saying to you --and do it gently. For example, “Okay, so I think I can see where you are coming from.... *insert paraphrase*…is this on the right track?” Do not be afraid to ask for clarification, they want to be heard. Work to drop the tone of your voice at the end of your sentences, which can be calming. Step 6: Become Solution Oriented If you do not allow yourself to get emotionally charged, you will start to break down the anger. People tend to match their emotions to those around them. If the time is right and calm is returning, offer a solution with them, even if it’s a next step for you and they to share information, talk about it in more detail, review materials to get their perspective, etc. If you are able, working out a solution or next step can bring a quick end to the storm. The List to Avoid We talked about what good habits are, but there are bad ones too. Here are things to avoid if you want to calm the situation:
To Conclude Reading the room, stepping back, controlling what you can, listening, giving feedback, and searching for a solution with someone or a group of people will help you regather the room when the tides have shifted against you. With these steps, you will be able to handle almost anything a situation can throw at you with pose and grace. |
Further reading
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Cobalt Community Research is a national 501c3 nonprofit, non-partisan coalition that helps local governments, schools and membership organizations measure, benchmark, and affordably engage communities through high-quality metrics, surveys, dynamic population segmentation, focus groups and work groups. Cobalt combines big data with local insights to help organizations thrive as changes emerge in the economic, demographic and social landscape. Explore how we can help by calling 877.888.0209, or by emailing [email protected].
Cobalt Community Research is a national 501c3 nonprofit, non-partisan coalition that helps local governments, schools and membership organizations measure, benchmark, and affordably engage communities through high-quality metrics, surveys, dynamic population segmentation, focus groups and work groups. Cobalt combines big data with local insights to help organizations thrive as changes emerge in the economic, demographic and social landscape. Explore how we can help by calling 877.888.0209, or by emailing [email protected].